


The beginning, and the end

by IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: A Series of Moments, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Falling Out of Love, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-19 16:47:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19136695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing/pseuds/IAmNotGoodatthisnamingthing
Summary: Every ending starts with a first. And Baekhyun and Jongdae are no different.





	The beginning, and the end

**Author's Note:**

> So [Jen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenZz) prompted me with "Chingu Line" and "First times" and my dramatic ass ended up writing this. 
> 
> Recommended Music: Urban Zakapa [널 사랑하지 않아](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfYPKZl7W1w)

 

 

 

 

 

The first time Baekhyun realizes he’s not in love with Jongdae anymore is the day he comes back home from a late day at work.

He finds Jongdae asleep on the couch, undoubtedly waiting for him to show up, and it doesn’t warm his heart.

He walks away to take a much-needed shower and then drops to the bed, not bothering to wake Jongdae up.

 

 

 

 

 

Jongdae is once again jetsetting with the idol group he is vocal trainer of, and Baekhyun has the flat to himself for a month.

He leaves clothes all over the floor and dishes in the sink uncaringly, for once not being nagged by Jongdae to pick up after himself. And hangs out with his friends whenever he feels like it.

It’s the first time he’s ever truly lived alone, always having had to room with brothers and then dormmates. And he realizes he likes it.

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun may have many flaws but he prided himself on being a man of honour.

But then Jongin shows up, a junior resident at the pediatric ward, who enchants the kids with his gentle manners and funny stories.

And Baekhyun finds himself watching Jongin, absentmindedly playing with the engagement ring he wears on the chain around his neck. And he finds himself seeking Jongin’s company during rounds, during lunch, and even during dinner at the end of their shared shifts. And for the first time, Baekhyun toys with the idea of what ifs.

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun doesn’t really pursue Jongin beyond casual friendship, but attraction doesn’t equate to compatibility – and Jongin spends half of his time making heart eyes at Dr. Yixing – but that’s more than enough to open Baekhyun’s eyes.

“Why won’t you touch me anymore?” Jongdae asks one night, softly, when they are both beneath covers, and facing away from each other.

It’s been a week since Jongdae has been back from his latest trip, and Baekhyun has yet to initiate any contact beside cursory kisses.

Baekhyun takes the coward’s route out, and pretends to be asleep in the dark, his shoulder tensing for a moment when Jongdae lets out a soft sigh and slips out of bed.

It’s the first time Baekhyun realizes he doesn’t want to anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not the first time Baekhyun gets drunk but it’s the first time he has had to drink himself into a stupor to stumble home and press Jongdae into their bedsheets.

He swallows Jongdae’s moans in a kiss, holding his hands down by the wrist and not allowing him to touch as he rides him again and again and again till they are both sated and exhausted.

Jongdae drops a kiss on Baekhyun’s jaw, curling snugly against his chest.

And Baekhyun feels like crying, because it’s the first time he feels dirty for sleeping with his fiancé.

 

 

 

 

 

He’s feeling overworked, Baekhyun tells Jongdae as he packs his bags to visit his hometown.

He’s taken a leave of ten days from the hospital, to go back home and rest, because if he works without break any longer, he’d end up losing his mind.

Jongdae listens to him patiently, tailing him silently from their closet to the bed and back again, as Baekhyun fills up his suitcase. Jongdae would have offered to tag along, but his idol kids are just starting to record for their new album and need his support more than ever, and so he just watches his boyfriend pack while avoiding his eyes.

“Be safe,” Jongdae wishes, as Baekhyun drops his luggage into the trunk of his car. Baekhyun steels himself for a moment before folding his arms around Jongdae and hugging him for three whole seconds.

He then wishes him goodbye, and drives off – not to his hometown, but to a motel only a town away. He doesn’t plan on doing much, except watching TV all day and walking by the seashore.

But it’s also the first time he lies to Jongdae, because that’s better than telling him that Baekhyun can’t bear to be around him and his expectations of a perfect boyfriend anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

In the end, Baekhyun seeks help from a counsellor friend of him, trying to salvage whatever of their relationship there is left.

Baekhyun and Jongdae now sit through silent dinners night after night, and Baekhyun goes to sleep on the couch, pretending not to hear the quiet sniffles from Jongdae over the sound of the TV.

The counsellor is patient and kind, and asks Baekhyun all sorts of questions – when did he realize he wasn’t in love with his fiancé? Does he like someone else? Is work stressing him out?

And in time, Baekhyun comes to a realization. He cares deeply for Jongdae, as a friend and as a person, and cannot really imagine his life without him.

But it’s the first time he realizes, his love for Jongdae has faded, and it will never be the same between them again.

 

 

 

 

 

A week later, when the cherry blossoms are in full swing, Baekhyun invites Jongdae to a picnic by the river.

They pick at their ramen without really tasting it, and Baekhyun struggles to get the words out, to make Jongdae understand, and to not hurt his precious heart.

In the end, Jongdae preempts him. “You don’t love me anymore, do you?”

Baekhyun breathes out raggedly, before the carefully constructed explanation in his head shatters, and he spews out a ramble of everything that has been going wrong. Jongdae listens to him in silence, his eyes filling up with tears, and Baekhyun yearns to hold his hands, but he feels he has lost the right.

“Has there been anyone else?” Jongdae asks quietly, when Baekhyun is done. Baekhyun shakes his head vehemently, swearing on his life that he has never cheated.

“I’m sorry it has come to this, but I care for you too much to let you go on living a lie with me,” Baekhyun beseeches. “You deserve so much better.”

“I do,” Jongdae nods, and they both laugh humourlessly for a moment. “Is this goodbye?” Baekhyun asks.

“Just for a while,” Jongdae says, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Just until I feel I can see you again without being hurt.”

“That’s understandable,” Baekhyun says, picking up his chopsticks again. “Now eat your ramen. I spent 20000 won getting the good kind!”

Jongdae rolls his eyes but picks up his chopsticks again. And for the first time, Baekhyun realizes that it’s going to be be okay, that they will eventually be alright.

 

 

 

 

 

Months pass, and the awkwardness between them slowly reduce as they slowly make their way back to being friends. Their friends shake their heads, and advice both of them to step away and stay away, but their friendship spans too long to casually throw away. And so, Baekhyun and Jongdae work through it.

Jongdae still helps Baekhyun pick out his toiletries, and Baekhyun still sends Jongdae flowers whenever his kids release a new song. And they start to text each other memes, building back their friendship.

It is actually Baekhyun who convinces Jongdae to give dating Luhan a try.

Luhan, the latest model recruit in Jongdae’s agency, had taken one look at him before starting to spout cheesy lines at him on a frighteningly regular basis, and Jongdae had taken a liking to him, but was holding back due to a misguided sense of betrayal.

But Baekhyun had cornered him and plied him with booze and pizza, and convinces him to go on a first date with the man with pink hair.

 

 

 

 

 

One fine evening when Baekhyun is picking up Jongdae from the agency for the potluck at Chanyeol’s place, he parks his car in the parking lot and texts Jongdae to get his fatass down fast. Jongdae curses Baekhyun using swear words he had never used while they were dating, but promises to be out in 5 minutes.

True to his words, he’s out, fixing his coat in the allotted time, raising his hand to wave at Baekhyun. But then he turns around, and there is Luhan running out to smack a kiss against his lips.

Jongdae laughs, ruffling Luhan’s hair before kissing him softly, and Baekhyun realizes that Jongdae has fallen out of love with him too.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I'd love to know what you think ~


End file.
